Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
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