Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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