why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
