Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I think my nap took me to another dimension
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
