you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He better not be in your backpack
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Randomize
