end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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