Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
