I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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