It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
