he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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