your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm too high and old for this...
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
