i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
