Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i love accidental penises.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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