So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
