all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
