actually, I'm a sock model
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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