I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
