saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
