And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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