Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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