I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
