ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
