Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize