youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
