don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
