its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
