Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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