Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
