dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
