he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
