That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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