what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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