I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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