Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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