I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
