Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize