Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
