He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
