spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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