So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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