Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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