i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
