This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
