Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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