just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
