he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
