i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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