Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
