At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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