I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I AM VODKA MAN
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
