Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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