I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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