Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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