if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Please don't give away my fajitas
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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