How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Randomize