Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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