My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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