On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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