i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
