I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
