She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
