I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
