grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
