Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I think I won the penis lottery.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
