my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
