You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
