I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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