I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
