Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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