he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
