proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
