I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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