put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
i think im in europe. pls send help
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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