Having a random hookup so left but love u
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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