Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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