there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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