i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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