I smell stomach acid.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
