wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
