So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
