Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
