You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
