I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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