So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
