I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
sex in a hospital.. check
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
