Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
only you would photoshop your dick
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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