plz talk dirty to me
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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