The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I think your dad took our porno
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
