Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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