oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
