This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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