just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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