just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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