you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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