Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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