Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
