He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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