Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
