oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
