I am in a vortex of obligation.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize