Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
