Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
