On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize