I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
